Rant

   Caution: Personal Motivation Rant Ahead, Will Be Boring
  Well, this is pathetic. 2012. It has been 2 years since I posted on this blog. 2 years of my life that i have been too busy to express my artistic, creative, actual self. Instead i have been making myself useful to society by watching season after season of repetitive tv shows that i don't even like. Sure I have done a few things here and there, but recently it's the mindset that bothers me.
     The human mind is a very complex thing. It has the potential to do things that we don't even fully understand. So why in gods name would i waste mine by sitting around. Wouldn't something so vast, so awesome be wired to enjoy and crave things that are worth while? Why can't I just get off the couch and WANT to do something fun. Yes I CAN and always have been able to but why don't i want to. I miss the excitement of making a new video; the constant questioning of what i can take a picture of next; the downright curiosity that it seems like i have had before. Im not depressed, im not even sad; i'm simply addicted to being bored. Why do something you enjoy when you can sit on your ass and watch 7 episodes of "How I Met Your Mother". I understand that a little bit of everything is ok but i'm sick of getting sucked into this technological age. How can something so boring be so addicting. Is fun not important anymore? Am I really that lazy that taking out a camera and actually opening my eyes is becoming too much of a task? I was going to put a picture up with this rant, but i couldn't even find one. I have almost completely dropped what I love.
     Maybe 2 years is a stretch, because I have definitely done some neat things since 2012. However, these last two months have been a problem. Everything is great at school and then when I come home I turn into this zombie that can only think of tv and the computer. I understand it is difficult to be consistent at anything, and some goals are unrealistic. 1 second of video a day was a cool idea, but come on. I know that not everything will work out but when I want so badly to do something I just don't understand how I fall back into the cycle of technology. If I ever go to the Y i feel a million times better, but why would I do that? That would require actual effort on my part. I feel like I have lost control over what is consuming me. I watch helplessly as the countdown until the next episode on Netflix slowly approaches 0.
     Quick positive part. I have been doing well in school, social life, and pretty much everything else. So this is not something that is actually affecting my life. It just feels like it is because I am all for living, not watching somebody else do it on a big screen. But in the end I am living, and enjoying it, I just have that smidge of wasted time that I focus on, because it's wasted.
     So the simple solution is to just stop watching tv and using electronics. That's not realistic so I can ignore that. I think i need to break the cycle. After writing this and doing something else for 15 minutes I have absolutely 0 urge to watch tv. Then again I am on a computer but we will just ignore that fact. Anyways I am just going to break up my cycle with something, anything really. Even if it is sitting outside for 10 minutes. I know once I break it I can stop this stupid waste of brain.
     Odds are I will have some trouble initially trying to break the cycle, but I think maybe I will use this blog. No one goes on here anymore, so why keep some "clean" homepage that looks pretty and has thoughtful passages. I'm simply going to keep it as my distraction. Write for a bit and move on with my night. Hell maybe i will even put pictures on if my plan is successful.
     Well I feel better.